S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
