Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
