i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
