Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
