Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
