How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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