Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
