I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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