A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Send help, water and tortillas.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
