we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
