I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
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It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
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haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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