I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
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The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
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I deserve to be covered in dicks
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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