I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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