Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
