sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
