We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
