I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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