Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
