She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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bring money and cleavage
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
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Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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