I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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