On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
