Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
