Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
