is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
do nipples grow back?
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