you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
