Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
