i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
