she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
