drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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