If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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