There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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