She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
