the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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