I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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