ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My penis needs a shock collar
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
