I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
