Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
