im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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