i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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