My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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