I swear she didn't look like that last week.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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