I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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