Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
