just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
