5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
