dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
