he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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