Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You ruined the universe
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
