it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize