Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
