Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
