We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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