i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
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