I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize