Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
