On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
