How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
