It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
