I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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