She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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