he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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