Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
