Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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