its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
