12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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