WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
