I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
