But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
