he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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