It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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