It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
