if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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