Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
