He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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