I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
