community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
