I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize