i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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