apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
