There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Watching her eat just hurts me
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
