I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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