He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
